Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
