the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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