there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
