He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
