Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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