So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
