Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
