I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
