this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
