DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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