Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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