Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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