I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
