We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You are the jesus of drinking
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
