Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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