I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
