What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
