he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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