How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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