Umm I'm too high to move.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Randomize
