had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The air was thick with penises
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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