My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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