Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
