It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
