life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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