We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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