This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
