Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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