You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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