Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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