it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
