Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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