I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
