Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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