people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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