soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
