I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
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I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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