Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i just had sex bonerless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize