he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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