There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
