Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
