i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
