Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
If I die, sorry about rent.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
