she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
