just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
