How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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