8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. đ
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes âI drove you last nightâ\nâYou got your dick sucked in the back seatâ
Canât fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Unless my dick prospects improve this yearâs Halloween costume will include panties with âDTFâ written on them and a push up bra
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