we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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