i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
