i will never coherently bang her
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
