Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
