I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Is that strawberry winking at me??
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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