I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
