and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
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Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
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Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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