Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
