I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I am midnight drunk by noon
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
