was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
