So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
