My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
