I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
