I have demons in me.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
