I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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