and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
