I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
