i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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