he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
