yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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