Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize