Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i barfeds in our rink
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
