I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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