as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
