end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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