I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
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