what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize