What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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