What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Is it penis luge time yet?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
