I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
