On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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