when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
