I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
