Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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