You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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