This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
