I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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