he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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